


He's So Handy

by ColorMeParanoid



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Oblivious Derek, Oblivious Stiles, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, so many innuendos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 16:08:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8673862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorMeParanoid/pseuds/ColorMeParanoid
Summary: Are you looking for a man who can help you take care of business and isn’t afraid to get down and dirty with it? Are you in need of a plumber who will replace your faucet with his own and take great care of your neglected pipes? Or maybe you would prefer an architect who will blow all of your expectations with his impressive measurements? Or even if you just need someone to keep up with your regular maintenance, look no further. Here at “Handymen” we offer you quality service with the best prices and the most attractive experts in town. Call now to get your own personal “Handyman” who’s guaranteed to satisfy ALL of your needs.ORThe one where Stiles needs some help around the house and Derek has nothing better to do





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever (posted) fanfiction and I hope I did well. What do you think?
> 
> I honestly have no idea where I got the idea, but I do hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it.

 

_Are you looking for a man who can help you take care of business and isn’t afraid to get down and dirty with it?_

_Are you in need of a plumber who will replace your faucet with his own and take great care of your neglected pipes? Or maybe you would prefer an architect who will blow all of your expectations with his impressive measurements? Or even if you just need someone to keep up with your regular maintenance, look no further._

_Here at “Handymen” we offer you quality service with the best prices and the most attractive experts in town._

_Call now to get your own personal “Handyman” who’s guaranteed to satisfy all of your needs._

 

Stiles studied the ad he found in this morning’s newspapers he stole from his neighbors’ front yard. You’d think that being the Sheriff’s kid would prevent him from stealing, but that though was thrown out the window when Stiles stepped into dog shit for the fifth time. Now don’t get him wrong, Stiles loved dogs, adored them even, but he also loved having clean shoes.

His neighbor (ironically) didn’t give a shit.

Stiles blamed Lydia.

As one of his best friends and a fairly successful realtor she insisted to help him find his dream house. What she conveniently “forgot” to mention is that his new next door neighbor will be one and only Jackson Whittemore, douchebag extraordinaire and Stiles’ former bully.

For some unfathomable reason, Jackson was the love of Lydia’s life. Don’t ask him why, because he had no fucking clue. That was probably why he had to remind Lydia on more than one occasion that just because she could stand to be in Jackson’s company for more than three minutes without wanting to punch him in his stupid face, not everyone could.

Stiles was one of those people.

He couldn’t even look at Jackson without getting annoyed. And while yes, he was man (and gay) enough to admit Jackson was indeed pretty attractive, he also had a vile personality and Stiles wouldn’t touch him with a 100 foot pole, let alone live right next to the guy for an extended period of time. 

Unfortunately for Stiles, the contracts were already signed and there was no backing out when he found out the horrible truth. He even contemplated just selling the house right away, but Scott managed to talk him out of it. He will be forever thankful for Scott’s convincing puppy eyes because he really did love his new house.

While it might not look like much from the inside, Stiles was still over the moon happy. Sure, it was a work in progress but that’s why he chose it. He needed a new project to distract him from his miserable love live or the lack thereof.

Who cared that his shower pressure was basically nonexistent? Not Stiles, because he had an enormous bathtub that could easily fit an entire football team. So what if most of his furniture was still lying around unassembled and the rest was supported by a ridiculous amount of duct tape? At least he _had_ furniture. And just because none of his lights seemed to work, it wasn’t the end of the world. Stiles just bought himself some of those fancy ass scented candles that made the whole place look relaxed and romantic. Not that he ever had anyone spend the night before, but that was a whole other problem.   

So yeah, Stiles really could use some professional help. God knows Scott was of no use, especially now that Allison was on a business trip in France and he was constantly glued to his phone. His dad already worked enough as it was and Stiles didn’t have the heart to ask him for help because he knew the man would say yes. Stiles had an awesome dad.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he dialed the number.

Then he waited.

Then he waited some more.

And…nope, still waiting.

Seriously people? What’s the point of posting an ad if they didn’t plan on answering it?

Stiles gave up. He placed his phone back on the coffee table and melted further into the couch. He glanced on the clock that was leaning against the pale wall (He didn’t want to risk another injury, okay? Don’t judge him.) and noticed it was barely noon and for Stiles who was a night owl, this was still way too early. But revenge waits for no one and after figuring out the exact time Jackson’s newspapers were being delivered, Stiles set up his alarm clock in an attempt to get them before their rightful owner.

And if Stiles had to sacrifice a few precious hours of his beauty sleep to see Jackson’s angry face when he realized he was robbed of his morning entertainment, it was all worth it. There was just something simply beautiful in ruining someone’s mood for the rest of the day. Especially if that someone was a guy who spent years trying to unsuccessfully stuff you into your locker. Not that it ever stopped him from trying, mind you.

Yeah, his morning coffee has never tasted so sweet.

He should probably lay off the sugar.

But damnit, Stiles deserved to have some sweetness in his bland life.

Somewhere in the background Stiles could hear his phone vibrating on the table and heaving a huge sigh he reached out and answered it. “Hello?”

“Hello, sir. This is Erica from the “Handymen” services speaking. I apologize for not picking up you call earlier; it’s been a really busy morning. I hope you haven’t changed your mind already?” The woman’s voice questioned.

“Uh…Y-yeah,” Stiles stuttered in surprise. “I’m still interested.”

“Great!” He could almost hear the grin in her voice. “So tell me…?”

“Stiles.”

“ _Stiles_ , what kind of services are you looking for? We need to know so we can send you the right person.”

“Uh,” Only now did he realize that he had no idea what exactly he was looking for. How _do_ you call a person who can assemble IKEA furniture? An 8 year old? An 80 year old? A monkey? Well, whoever it was, it certainly wasn’t Stiles, that was for sure. “’I’m not sure,” He finally confessed.

“Oh,” Erica hummed in understanding. “Would this be your first time?”

Stiles sighed. “Is it that obvious?”

Erica chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, sugar. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Stiles begged to differ. “It’s just that I’m a 23 year old guy who lives alone so there aren’t any excuses for my inexperience, you know?”

“Well we all have to start somewhere.” She did have a point. “Why don’t we try a different approach then, huh? Why don’t you tell me what kind of guy you’re looking for?”

Okay, Stiles could do that.

“Well first off, I have a lot of energy so I need someone who keep up with me and don’t leave me high and dry. I mean, let’s face it, if I wanted to do all the work by myself I wouldn’t be calling you.”

“Isn’t that kind of a universal rule?” Erica sounded confused and Stiles envied her innocence.

“You’d be surprised. I had this happen before and it was extremely frustrating. A buddy of mine volunteered to help me out with my problem once, and all he did was talk to his long distance girlfriend while I did all the work by myself.” Stiles discovered that day that putting up a shelf on the wall was a two man job, or at least a one-man-who-knows-what-the-hell-he’s-doing job.

“Seems like a shitty friend to me.” Erica concluded and Stiles couldn’t help but agree. Stiles also though Scott was a shitty friend every once in a while. He still loved the bastard, though.

“That reminds me. I also need someone who knows what he’s doing and who has enough experience with this sort of thing. And of course, safety comes first. I cannot stress this enough.”

“Of course, safety is our biggest priority.” Erica assured him quickly and he wanted to believe her, he really did. But he needed to make sure she _really_ understood what he meant.

“That’s great. Because I really don’t want to end up in the ER with an extra hole on my body.” Stiles winced when he remembered that specific event; he even had to have a chat with a psychologist because they thought he was some kind of a religious nut instead of a clumsy moron. He couldn’t blame them because as it turned out, not many people managed to drill a hole right in the middle of their own palm. “Once was embarrassing enough.”

“Oh sugar…” Erica sounded really sympathetic and Stiles was sure he got his message across: Don’t try to put up a shelf all on your own unless you’re a certified handyman. “Is that even possible?”

“Trust me, it is.” Stiles gazed at the tiny scar he had in the middle on his right palm. “I even had to get stitches! You can’t even imagine how inconvenient they were on that specific spot. It’s very sensitive.” He couldn’t even close his palm without pulling them out or breaking them. It was torture. Not to mention painful. Stiles really had to learn how to rely only on his left hand for those very important activities (if you know what he means).

“Oh God,” Erica's horrified gasp could be heard all the way from the other line. “I don’t even want to imagine.”

“Mhm,” Stiles hummed in understanding. “It was one hell of a drilling accident, I'll tell you that. And I didn’t even manage to get it in!” His shelf was still lying on the floor right next to the blood stains that were hidden behind strategically placed picture frames Scott had the decency to hang up after all the pain he put him through. “They even made me take a tetanus shot! All thanks to Scott and his rusty nail.”

“Did you just say that Scott had a rusty, uh, nail?” Erica hesitantly asked and Stiles sympathized with the poor girl. He really wished he could forget this ever happened too.

“Yeah, he did. He could’ve at least washed it before he came over, you know? I guess he just decided to go full retard that day.” And everyone knows you _never_ go full retard.

Erica was silent for a while before she cleared her throat. “I’m very sorry that happened to you. You’re okay now, right? Everything okay with your…hole? Or is it holes now? I’m not sure how that works.”

“Oh no, everything’s fine now. I’m as good as new.” Stiles assured her. "Maybe a little cautious around power tools, as one should be. If you don’t handle them right, things can get real messy. I’m sure you’re already aware of that.”

Erica chuckled, “I sure am. Any other requests or questions?”

Stiles though about it for a few moments before he thought of something. “What about the clean up? Am I expected to take care of all the mess alone or?”

“Full clean up comes along with our 12 hour session, be it during the day or night.” Erica explained like she hadn’t just revealed the most amazing thing.

“You do over night sessions?” He asked in wonder.

“Of course. Most of our sessions are scheduled during the night hours. I assume you’re interested in that too?”

“Yes, I’m very interested.” Then he frowned to himself. “One more question though. Can you make sure that the guy’s discreet? I really don’t want to disturb my neighbors and I know how loud these things can get. I know I kind of hated my neighbor after his late night hammering session. I don’t want to be _that guy_ in my new neighborhood, you know what I mean?”

“Don’t worry about it, Stiles. Like it says in the ad, we’re here to satisfy all of your needs. If you want quiet, things will be quiet, okay?”

“Perfect.”

“Good. Now let’s talk prices. If we’re talking about the full 12 hour night session, I’m not going to lie, it’s gonna cost you. How does 500 dollars sound?” He could almost imagine Erica lift a single eyebrow in question and he immediately got a little bit jealous. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t get that one single eyebrow up. It’s was sad, really.

Pushing his eyebrow envy to the side, he answered. “Money is not a problem.” And Stiles wasn’t lying. As soon as he started his own business, the money just started rolling in and he barely knew what to do with it. Spending 500 dollars on a quality and much needed service really wasn’t a lot once you considered the amount of work the poor guy had to do.

“I think I have everything I needed. How does 9 PM sound?” Erica asked and Stiles almost fell of the couch.

“Tonight?” He squeaked out.

“Are you not okay with that? Because if you want to, I can arrange a meeting between you and Derek so you can meet him. It’s understandable if you feel nervous at the thought of being alone with him.”

“Derek?” Stiles asked suddenly confused.

“Yes, Derek. He’s the guy I chose for you. You’re going to love him. He’s going to take great care of you. If you still want to, of course. If you need some time-“

“No,” Stiles interrupted before he lost his nerve. “Tonight’s fine. I just want to get this over with as soon as possible.” He confessed.

“Eager, are we?” Erica teased.

Stiles glanced around his messed up house. “I think I’ve waited long enough.”

“True, true. Now before I forget, is there anything specific you would like Derek to wear tonight?”

 _What a weird question_ , Stiles thought to himself. “Uh, no? He can wear whatever he feels comfortable in. He doesn’t even have to have his pants on for all I care. My house is an official no pants zone.” He joked and Erica laughed.

“I’ll make sure to let him know. So I think that’s everything. I just need your address and we’re all done.”

“Great.” Stiles happily gave her his new address and after they exchanged their goodbyes, Stiles hung up the phone feeling so much lighter than before. He was finally doing something to improve his life.

He glanced at the clock once again and seeing as he had a long night ahead of him, he decided to take a nap. With a satisfied sigh, he stretched out over his new and comfy couch and let himself fall into a dreamless sleep completely missing the fact that he probably should’ve set up his alarm clock.

Oh well.

 


End file.
